hello, 4am.
November 25th, 2009 04:26 am
This dreaming about work thing has GOT to stop.
mood: awake
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me and my mac
November 13th, 2009 01:13 pm

Me
: Hi OSX. I'm here for my semi-monthly podcast update. Here's my iphone, do your thing.


OSX: Oh, you're back! Sure, I can help you with that, and it will be SO EASY AND CONVENEIENT. You see, that's why people love me. But first, look at all that's happened while you were away.


Me: Uh...


OSX: Look at all these upgrades! Why don't you do that first.


Me: I don't really want to upgrade. I'm just here for the files really.


OSX: Well, you'll need to upgrade iTunes. The version you have isn't compatable with your iPhone.


Me: Oh.


OSX: And you should probably upgrade iPhoto, iLife and Quicktime while you are at it.


Me: But, I don't want to use iPhoto. And what the hell is iLife?


OSX: iTunes uses iPhoto, and you know how fussy it is about always being up to date with the latest jazz. It may also integrate with any of these other pieces of software. If you want, you can try not upgrading them and just see how iTunes feels about that... but you remember what happened last time...


Me: Fine. Whatever. Install the updates.


...


OSX: Hey, you're back!


Me: Are you done installing those updates?


OSX: No, silly! I was waiting for you. There's quite a bit of paperwork we must go over first.


Me: Oh. Wait, what paperwork?


OSX: Well, you'll need to sign here. Yes, that's it. And there. And don't forget to initial there. Ok! We're all set.

Me: *strained smile*

Me: Oh, hey. I was wondering about something that maybe you could help me with. There's this article on wikipedia, can you pull it up for me while we wait?

OSX: Oh, dear me no. I've really got my hands full with fetching all these software updates for you. The files are rather large you see, so it will take me some time to carry them over. I won't be able to do anything else for quite some time. But please enjoy our lovely background image and progress bar while you wait!

...


Me: Ok, the updates are done now, right?


OSX: Yep, you're all set!


Me: Oh, good. Can you please sync up my iphone now?


OSX: Oh, well, we'll need to restart before we can do that. I wanted to wait for you to get back before I did that. It's a big decision, and I wouldn't want to make it until I'd confirmed that you are okay with it. So, how are you feeling? Would you like to restart now?


Me: ...yes. Please.


...


OSX: Hi there! Oh, I see that you've got your iphone there. Why don't I just start up iTunes for you!


Me: Yes. Please, do.


iTunes: Hey there! Would you like to watch a movie? How about your photos, I can take care of that for you! Oh, and wait till you hear about the new ringtones we've got! I can get you a deal on the latest Brittney Spears song! What do you say!


Me: Just my podcasts please. Can you just put them right there please? Right there, you see. Just copy them. Right. there.


iTunes: Sure, I can help you with that! And it will be SO EASY AND CONVENIENT! You won't even have to think about it! But first, look what's been going on while you were away! There's a very important upgrade to your iPhone software. Would you like to install it now?

Me: *twitch*



This post was written while waiting for my OSX, iTunes, and iPhone upgrades to install.
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on leadership, council and credulity
November 5th, 2009 09:43 am
"So a shrewd prince should adopt a middle way. choosing wise men for his government and allowing only those the freedom to speak the truth to him, and then only concerning matters on which he asks their opinion, and nothing else But he should also question them thoroughly and listen to what they say; then he should make up his own mind, by himself. And his attitude towards his councils and towards each one of his advisers should be such that they will recognize that the more freely they speak out the more acceptable they will be.

...

"I want to give a modern illustration of this argument. Bishop Luca, in the service of Maximilian the present emperor, said of his majesty that he never consulted anybody and never did things as he wanted to; this happened because he did the opposite of what I said above. The emperor is a secretive man, he does not tell anyone of his plans, and he accepts no advice. But as soon as he puts his plans into effect, and they come to be known, they meet with opposition from those around him; and then he is only too easily diverted from his purposes. The result is that whatever he does one day is undone the next, and what he wants or plans to do is never clear, and no reliance can be placed on his deliberations.

"A prince must, therefore, always seek advise. But he must do so when he wants to, not when others want him to; indeed he must discourage everyone from tendering advice about anything unless it is asked for. At the same time, he should be a constant questioner, and he must listen patiently to truth regarding what he has inquired about. Moreover if he finds that anyone for some reason holds the truth back he must show his wrath."

--The Prince, Niccolo Machiavelli
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meme commentary
October 15th, 2009 10:14 pm

Have you seen this thing that people say now? "FML"? It's a clever little acronym for "fuck my life," a sentiment apparently so common among the internet community that it requires shorthand.

There are so many delightful aspects to those three little letters. Right off the bat, the phrase absolves you of all responsibility for the whatever predicament you happen to be in. After all, you are powerless in these matters. A helpless pawn to the forces of fate that brought you here.

And what forces! Oh abused internet masses! Huddled together in chat rooms, catching what streaming content you can muster, room lit by the cold glare of your macbook. Indeed, how could you be expected to be an active player in your own existence, when the only power you have at your disposal is the most advanced technology that has ever existed and all of the knowledge of mankind at your fingertips?

The only recourse left to you is to take out your iphone, and instantly communicate your grievances to audiences all over the world.

Yes. Fuck your life indeed.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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what really counts
October 14th, 2009 11:45 am

Over the years, I have worked at many companies that were awesome to all appearances, but were home to a bunch of miserable employees---almost always in spite of the best intentions of the management.  As is my habit, I spent a lot of time pondering why this tends to happen and I've identified some common threads.

As an employer, there are a few things for which, if you get them right you can get just about everything else wrong and get away with it--even come out of it with your employees loving you. On the other hand, I've worked at companies where I spent a huge amount of time enjoying free food and booze while commiserating with my co-workers about our terrible working conditions.  That may sound ungrateful, but the truth is no amount of perks can make up for the things that really count.

aligned values

Feeling like the people you work with, or worse the people you work for, don't care about same things you do is a discouraging prospect.  If you are a person who cares deeply about user experience and work for a company that doesn't understand what is wrong with pop ups and banner ads, you are never going to be happy there.  If you care about best practices and standards compliance, but your boss doesn't get why it takes you such a long time to write code, you're going to be pretty frustrated. 

A mismatch of core values like these leave you with a couple of unappealing choices.  Either give up on the things you are passionate about and treat your work as an unpleasant chore, or spend your time and energy alternately fighting or sneaking around to do a good job.  I've come to recognize that feeling as a sign that it is time to move on.

feeling empowered

This is one of those things that sounds obvious once articulated, but often escapes notice otherwise. People are happy when they have the power to do their job well. When they are unable to fill their role effectively, they are not.

There are a million and one things that could stand in the way of being able to do your job and do it well, ranging from bad process to simple incompetence.  Some common problems I have seen are lack of good information flow, wasteful and non-productive process, and ownership that is not aligned to responsibility, inclination and aptitude.  Whatever the reason, the feeling that you are not providing value leads to the kind of demoralization that extends beyond the work day.
 

feeling appreciated

There are some obvious ways to let people know they are appreciated, and these are too often neglected. Appropriate salaries and titles, regular performance reviews, even just saying "thank you" can make a big difference. But I've found that far more often the things that are really devastating are more subtle.  Things like failing to consult someone about decisions that affect their area of expertise, leaving them to find out incidentally about major and relevant events, or giving tasks within their domain to an outside party--these things leave a person feeling pretty crappy.  When you've taken ownership and killed yourself for your job, feeling as though you've been disregarded makes you wonder why you bother.



I'm going to make a bold (and probably wrong) statement and say that if you are unhappy at your job--the deep seeded, soul crushing kind of unhappy--the reason falls into one of these three categories.  Figure out which one, and tell someone about it.  Your boss probably really wants to understand what they are doing wrong, and it may be something that can be solved with frank communication.  And if not--move on, find a better fit.  There are precious few jobs worth the cost of your soul.  I'm willing to bet this isn't one of them.


Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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rain dance
September 14th, 2009 11:24 pm
I found this passage from Dawkins' Unweaving the Rainbow(*) rather delightful. For context, the preceding paragraphs describe some experiments in which pigeons are trained to tap increasingly complex patterns into a pad with their beaks, the successful completion of which would result in a reward being dispensed. But then someone decided to try a surprising variation on the experiments...

He set up the apparatus to "reward" the pigeon from time to time no matter what the bird did. Now all the birds actually needed to do was sit back and wait for the reward. But in fact... in six out of eight cases they built up--exactly as if they thought they were learning a reward habit--what Skinner called "superstitious" behavior. Precisely what this consisted of varied from pigeon to pigeon. One bird spun itself around like a top, two or three turns anticlockwise, between "rewards". Another bird repeatedly thrust it's head towards one particular upper corner of the box. A third bird showed "tossing" behavior, as if lifting an invisible curtain with ts head. Two birds independently developed a habt of rhythmic, side-to-side "pendulum swinging" of the head and body. ...

It was the pigeon equilivant of a rain dance.

--Unweaving the Rainbow by Richard Dawkins





* While the book certainly had its moments, I would recommend against reading it for reasons elaborated upon in my review on goodreads.
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adventures in poor ux
August 2nd, 2009 10:07 pm
Like many other apartment buildings, my front gate features a confusing and unintuitive dial access system.

The dial pad itself isn't so bad. You dial the apartment number then the octothorp sign. The gate rings up some telephone number, and if you are very lucky someone answers and lets you in. Pretty straight-forward.

No, the confusing part is the directory.

The directory has two columns. The left side lists apartment numbers for the first through third floors, and the right lists apartments fourth through sixth. Next to each apartment number is a space for the name of the occupant. And since no one felt like maintaining the ever changing directory, it remains entirely blank.

It looks something like this.

100  400 
101  401 
102  402 
103  403 
104  404 
105  405 
106  406 
107  407 
108  408 
109  409 
200  500 
201  501 
202  502 
203  503 
204  504 
205  505 
206  506 
207  507 
208  508 
209  509 
300  600 
301  601 
302  602 
303  603 
304  604 
305  605 
306  606 
307  607 
308  608 
309  609 


Most of the time my visitors dial my apartment without incident. Every once in awhile though, a guest will instead call me on my cell phone and say that they tried the gate and it didn't work. And since in these cases I had not received a call from the gate, I could only assume that gremlins in the phone lines were to blame.

That is until one day when I had the presence of mind to ask a perplexed guest what code they had dialed. Then it all became clear.

You see, upon arriving these attentive guests would, rather than punching numbers at random, take the time to look me up in the directory. Finding my apartment number--say it's 203--they would then look to the adjacent number in the same row row, and dial it.

5-0-3-#


The apparently empty apartment would ring indefinitely, until the visitor gave up and fell back to a more reliable technology.

Now that the mystery is solved, I'm tempted to post a sign. But what would it say? A sign announcing that this directory is blank might cause more confusion than it resolves. Besides, everyone knows nobody really reads directions.
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"Sorry, we don't serve arthropods here."
June 25th, 2009 10:53 am
Insects, despite their highly evolved mechanisms of detoxification, are as vulnerable to alcohol as the rest of us. Many insects attack wine grapes and rapidly destroy vineyards, becoming accidentally intoxicated on the odd fermenting grape. In 1545 a legal complaint against the insects was made by the wine growers of St. Julen, a small hamlet in France. The insects were actually brought to trial. The prosecution argued that lower animals should be subject to the laws of man. The insects were appointed an advocate who argued that they were only exercising their biblical rights to be fruitful and multiply, thereby obeying a divine law. The archival recorded indicate that a judge deliberated for a long period, but the final decision is unknown--the last page of the surviving records was destroyed by weevils!

--Intoxication by Ronald K Siegel
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you know you want to
June 13th, 2009 12:05 am
I have been eagerly awaiting the release of these two books, and the time has finally come!


Dragonbreath
by Ursula Vernon
The Baby Tank
by Peter Martin




If you enjoy (allegedly) kids books with a witty and offbeat sense of humor, go forth and buy now. (Or if you have kids, I guess.)
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legal and techinical adventures inside my head
May 23rd, 2009 01:47 pm
One of my multiple personalities in my dream last night was appealing the court for emancipation. His desire was to be recognized as a distinct entity, with the rights and responsibilities of any other person. Relatedly, this particular personality also wanted to sue one of my other personalities. Something about dental work.

I am very often male in my dreams. Is that unusual?

I also dreamed that I broke my iPhone. There was shattered glass everywhere, and the inside looked like a motherboard from 1984. It was all rather traumatic.
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read any good books lately?
May 21st, 2009 01:32 am
It seems it's time for another round of Recommend Me a Good Book. Though my to-read shelf is stacked 47 high, little of it is fiction and of that not much is getting me excited. Can you recommend something? I tend to like scifi, though really it's the quality of the writing that counts. Like these.

If something new doesn't turn up, I'm considering re-reading To Think Nothing Of The Dog, Treason or Hyperion.

Oh, and just for reference, I hated The Da Vinci Code.
mood: awfully sleepy
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cold feet
May 19th, 2009 02:58 am
I recently started physical therapy for some feet issues I have had for a few years now. Nothing too terrible, but firmly in the I-should-probably-do-something-about-this-before-it-gets-worse category. I was given a startling amount of homework to accompany my therapy, and so far I have learned two things:

1. It is much less unpleasant to ice your feet if you are drunk at the time.
2. No matter how tired you may be, it is highly unlikely you will fall asleep while your foot is stuck in a bag of frozen peas.
mood: sleepy, chilly
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scenes I'd like to see
May 11th, 2009 04:53 pm
You know that moment that inevitably happens in scifi shows, and a great many action shows as well, when one of the main characters has to explain the crazy sounding situation to a civilian to save them? Well, just once I want to hear them say, "Ok, look. You may think I'm crazy. And for the sake of argument, lets just go ahead and say you're right. But believe this. There are other, arguably crazy people who believe the exact same thing I do, and they are coming here to kill you."

Seems like it would save a lot of time.

Also, just once I want to see the hero who just had their best friend killed, have to tell the family, "He wanted me to tell you... well, I don't actually know. He started to tell me, but then I cut him off and reassured him we would get out of this. Guess I was wrong about that. My bad!"
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women in technology
April 29th, 2009 03:15 pm
Throughout the course of my career, I have worked in support roles doing administrative work, I have worked in support roles in technology companies, and I have worked for technology companies as a skilled employee.

In all of those roles, I have almost never experienced anything that I would classify as sexism. If I were to rate each experience according to how big of a role gender played in the attitude of the people around me, working in a technology company as a developer would win out head and shoulders above the rest.

Here's the thing.

The technology industry is a meritocracy. Geeks don't care where you were born, if you wear a suit or a scruffy tee shirt, what your orientation is, what you look like, and they barely notice if you happen to be female. Geeks care if you are smart, capable, and can make cool shit. Everything else is background noise. The men (and women) that I have known in technology make up one of the most consistently gender neutral cultures I have ever encountered.

I think that one of the reasons working in technology is difficult for many women is the simple challenge of feeling different. Anytime that you are different from everyone around you it is a challenge. You will run into places where the defaults just don't work for you. You will have to do more work to find solutions to problems no one else has. When your fundamental perspective diverges from the people around you, you have to work harder to communicate and understand ideas. At best, it's a lot more work. At worst, you may feel like you don't belong, worry that people don't accept you, or wonder if there is something wrong with you.

Me? Feeling different is comfortable territory. The skills for navigating a foreign environment, carving out my own place, and the ongoing extra effort involved all come second nature to me. Honestly, I don't even know what it would be like to "fit in".

I do know what it is like to be dismissed and looked down upon for being different, something I have seen in spades as a bisexual woman in the gay community, but not once as a female in technology.

I understand that my experience may not be representative of all industries, or even all technology companies.

But it bothers me deeply that women are being taught that they cannot succeed in technology. It offends me that they are told they will be oppressed and not taken seriously. And makes me angry to see women being trained to see every indication gender difference as a sign of prejudice.
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they call me a dreamer
April 15th, 2009 12:17 pm
Last night I dreamed that I chased down the hulking man that stole my purse, climbed on his back, and held a knife against his throat demanding its return. He questioned my resolve, so I dug the knife into his neck until it drew gurgling blood. It remained unclear by the time I woke up if he was going to be alright.

Disturbing dreams are standard procedure for my unconscious mind. But this theme of deliberate violence on my part is new. Sure I've had plenty of dreams in which I was responsible for terrible things, but it was always terrible things in the past -- things I only held the memory of and bore the guilt for, but did not actually experience.

In other news, I started watching a show, Miracles, the other night. I'm only a couple of episodes in, but thus far it seems like a cross between The Prophesy and Supernatural. Plus, it was canceled after only one season -- so it must be good, right?
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"Why am I always getting sick?!"
March 30th, 2009 05:24 pm
Oh, that must be why.

"Cortisol is used in virtually every system in the body, a hormone that literally integrates the body and the mind by altering the configuration of the brain. Cortisol interferes with the immune system, changes the sensitivity of the ears, nose and eyes, and alters various bodily functions. When you have a lot of cortisol coursing through your veins, you are--by definition--under stress. Cortisol and stress are virtually synonymous.

...

In white blood cells cortisol is almost certainly involved in switching on a gene called TCF, also on chromosone IO, thus enabling TCF to make its own protein, whose job is to suppress the expression of another protein called interleukin 2, and interlukin 2 is a chemical that puts whte blood cells on alert to be especially vigilant for germs. So, cortisol supresses the immune alertness of white blood cells and makes you more susceptible to disease."
--Genome by Matt Ridley


It seems like one of the hundreds of times I bemoaned my susceptibility to illness, someone might have told me that my stress-monkey nature that is to blame.
mood: aaa-chu!
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What I mean to say.
March 22nd, 2009 01:39 am
I think one of the things that confuses me most about human beings is that just because they say something, it doesn't mean they mean it.

Being the type of person who analyzes thins all the time, chances are if I express an opinion, it is because I put a lot of thought into it. When I engage in conversation with someone, it is from the perspective of analyzing the new information that they can give me, the different perspective.

When someone approaches a conversation about ideas from the perspective of trying to be polite or aggreable, it's like we're trying to have different conversations.

Moreover, people are so willing to make bold statements based on vague impressions ans prejudices. Since one tends to assume that other people are the same as them, unless presented with dramatic and specific evidence to the contrary, I interpret these proclamations as if they have gone through the same rigorous vetting that such as statement from me would have gone through.

Humans are weird.
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masterpiece
February 12th, 2009 11:20 pm

[info]whatimeantosay prompted me to tell her about my shitty day in haiku form. I thought I'd share.


My computer? Sucked.
Project finished... then delayed.
Abundant drama.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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saying "no"
January 22nd, 2009 03:48 pm
I listened to this episode of Polyamory Weekly a little while ago, and this little excerpt keeps coming to mind. It comes from an interview between the host Minx, and Marcia and Ried, the founders of Cuddle Party.

Minx: "You know, one of the most powerful things, I thought, from the facilitated part, from the workshop part, was teaching people to say 'no' and then having them practice that. Because so many people in this world cannot just say 'no'.

"I love that you said 'No is a complete sentence.' It doesn't have to be 'No, but...' or 'No, well...' or 'No, I'm sorry...'. Just 'No.'"

Marsha: "Yeah, it's been really interesting I think for myself, the work I'm moving into from Cuddle Party is particularly working with women around communication, and particularly around 'No'. And learning how to ask for what you want. And one of the biggest things, it's really hard to ask for what you want if you feel like you can't say 'no'. Because why would you want to put somebody else into that situation? So I've noticed that there's a parallel between: if I can say no to someone without drama ensuing, then I can also ask for things without drama ensuing."

--Poly Weekly Episode
#177


This was one of those concepts that made everything make so much more sense! If you don't feel comfortable saying "no", then of course it will be hard to communicate the things you want. If the word "no" isn't part of your vocabulary, asking isn't asking -- it's demanding.

I so treasure the people in my life who I know will tell me in no uncertain terms exactly what they like, and what they don't like. Seem harsh? Well, sometimes it is. And yet, it is so refreshing.

Trying to ferret useful information out of someone who can not come right out and say what they think is a tedious and exhausting endevor. Did that pause mean that she really didn't want to go? Does this actually sound like fun to him, or is he just trying to make me happy? Is my design actually any good, or do they just not want to hurt my feelings? If someone won't speak up, you can never be sure where you stand -- and that means that you can never really enjoy a "yes".

The contrast between the two types of communication is like putting on glasses for the first time after living a life of nearsighted blur. Suddenly everything is so clear! All the information you need is right there in front of you and you know you can go about your business without bumbling into anyone or pawing about clumsily.

So, please. Tell me "no." I can handle it.
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(no subject)
January 22nd, 2009 11:31 am
Anyone looking for a ticket to the Edwardian Ball in SF this Saturday?
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